On Being an interpreter/mommy

I keep thinking that I should make a blog post once in while. I thought that might happen when the little man was in the bathtub. I just sit in the hallway and watch him play, why not multitask? But then the water gets all cold and I just run out of time.

I totally wanted to write something about being a working mom. And not just any working mom… but an INTERPRETER mommy.

In my life right now, I am either “working” or I am “mommying.” I get so behind in correspondences and emails and invoices and, and, and… I hardly know where to begin.
It’s not that I don’t think that these administrative things aren’t important… but my invoices don’t stink, like a pile of pukey bedding sitting in the laundry room… And, as such, they just don’t take priority.

My partner, Charlie, is always saying, “Why don’t you check your email and respond while you’re at work?” This is spoken by a person who truly does not know what an interpreter does.
Even if I COULD just pick my nose and check my emails during work in the “off chair” – I HAVE A FREAKING FLIP PHONE!! (So, um, access to the interweb machine is an issue, as well.)

Plus, it’s not like I really CARE that I get behind. Not anymore. I’m a good mommy. And that is what counts. Sometimes, I do feel looked down on by people who are single and childless – and I remember doing the same thing to my child labored friends, when I was single and childless.

“Having a kid can’t change life that much,” I’d say…
Oh, how wrong I was!!!


Mommy’s first night away

Last month, I stayed overnight in Ohio for a professional development workshop for theater interpreters. It was the first time that I was away from my baby, overnight, since he was born. I was looking forward to pooping in complete privacy and getting a full night’s sleep (without being woken up by crying or a c-pap machine), but I was terrified of being in another state from the little man. To top it off, my partner (Charlie) had a last minute function he had to attend… and we had to find childcare.
Normally, my mother will claw, kick, and scream to get dibs on watching that baby… but it was a very long week, and she just needed a break.
Sooooo, we enlisted my bestie with testes (Tony) and his husband (Ryan) to come and baby sit. Here is the email I sent them in the time before they arrived:

Tony and Ryan,

Thanks so much for doing this for Charlie. Feel free to read through these instructions for the night (no need to print them out, i will have a copy posted on the wall under the clock in the kitchen.)

Here is Grayson’s routine:

(He normally gets a bath – but that’s “advanced Grayson care 106″… let’s just stick with the “Grayson 101” stuff.)

*You arrive.
*This is about feeding time for the baby shark. He has a new high chair that sits in the dining room on a chair. The tray comes off either by unlatching the brown release in the front, or BOTH of them on the sides. It goes on the same way.
*He can eat the gerber raviolis that i have out on the counter. HE CAN FEED THESE TO HIMSELF. Cut them in half and put them (a little at a time) on the plate. (otherwise he stuffs his gullet – no baby foie gras – it’s a choking hazard.)
*if he is still hungry, there is baby yogurt in the fridge on the top shelf in the bin to the left. i’ll leave a spoon out for you. YOU NEED TO FEED HIM THIS (unless you want to do the “Bathing 106” option.)
*top him off with a sippy cup of milk. he can carry this around with him, but when he drops it somewhere and leaves it – please pick it up… it all leaks out after a while, and the carpet is already disgusting. (this is why we can’t have nice things.)

630 – 830
*play time. good luck with that. 🙂
If you want to take a walk outside, he is getting better at holding hands. Otherwise, you can just carry him. please don’t let him play in the street. 🙂 he likes to feel the leaves on the coniferous tree out front… and mommy can’t remember what the tree that changes color is called – so she just calls it “TREEE.” he likes it, regardless.
*For indoor playtime, shut all 3 doors in the hallway, put the gate up at the top of the steps, and open the sliding glass door to the porch.
Grayson can run around at his leisure with these things done. just watch out for the kitchen area. if you really want to let him run with minimal supervision, you can cordon off the kitchen, as well, with the gates. (one inside the laundry room door to the right, next to the washer… the other is in the dining room, behind his high chair seat.)

*8 oz of milk can go into a BOTTLE.
*Change his diaper one last time, and put his sleeper onsie on. (laying out on changing table… if it happens to get moved, get a 24 month one out of his closet.)
*If he has a red butt, put on some desetin from the purple canister on the changing table. if his but is just skin colored, put on some but paste from the white canister.
*feed him in the rocking chair. feel free to use the boppy at your comfort.
*tell him a story or sing him a song. if he is really tired, he may just point to his crib. in that case:
*lay him in the chair in the crib and strap him on both sides.
*give him his bottle to self feed.
*turn on the monkey ceiling light (it’s on a timer. and the button is round, and on the top, near his butt.)
*Turn on his sleep sheep, full blast, by pressing on the bottom button on his back. it should be whale sounds. – if not whale sounds, try again… tony, you speak whale, right? you should be able to recognize this. 🙂 Grayson only “really” likes the whale sounds. he doesn’t mind the rain sounds. he absolutely hates the “inside of mommy’s belly doplar heartbeat sound.” (who wouldn’t? it’s creepy.) if you play that one, he is likely to cry.
*tuck the sleep sheep under grayson’s right arm.
leave the door open enough for the cats to get in and out when you leave the room.

9pm on
ENJOY yourselves!
there are some munchies. not many. but eat whatever you want.
there is also wine.
if you have sex on the bed, change the sheets (probably best to do that before AND after, just to be safe.)

You probably won’t hear him make another peep, but just in case, the monitor is in my bedroom on the nightstand when you walk straight in. you may need to bring the cord out if it’s not charged.

Charlie will lay him flat on the bed when he gets home – no, we don’t leave him in that egg chair all night.

ps this is the first time that grayson is staying with anyone, other than my mom, when he is awake!
i’m a little nervous!!!

Remember: he puts everything his grubby little hands get a hold of into his mouth. he especially loves to eat paper. (dr. already checked for pica. he doesn’t have it.)

My mom said she is available for advice – call her at any time.


*Here, I inserted the phone number for my hotel, every cell phone number of every member of my family, land lines… pretty much every number I could think of… and ended with:

Poison Control 1.800.222.1222
911 for any emergency!!! (omg. sigh. i’ll be out of state!!!)


… And all was fine.



That’s my number in the blog roll for the nablotomo… or something like that.

Nanouhuhnono is a national event, on blogher.com, where you pledge to post something to your blog everyday for the entire month of November.

Seeing as how I haven’t posted anything on my blog for over a year, we’ll see how this works out for me. This is my first post, and I’ve already failed since it’s November 5th.

(Hey, don’t judge about not writing for so long… I had a kid, held down a full time job, took 3rd place in the Steeltown Film Factory competition, took a painting class, adapted a novel into a full length screenplay, planned the baby’s 1st birthday party – complete with children’s entertainer, planned my dad’s 70th birthday party – complete with adult entertainer… and I already have all of the shopping and wrapping done for Christmas 2013. I’ve been busy.)

In addition to the Naplopoopoo blog thing that I’m trying to do daily, I’ve signed on to write 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo in November. Now, THAT is an acronym that I actually remember. Na(tional)No(vel)Wri(ting)Mo(nth). I failed last year, when I quit after just 3 days of writing. (Did I mention that I was busy?) But, in my defense, on one of those days that I actually wrote, I developed the short screenplay that won 3rd place in that Film Factory. So, something good came of my failure.

And that’s how all endeavors should go. Right?

My Secret Baby


June 10, 2011 was the date of my gastric bypass surgery.  I lost nearly 100 pounds in the following 3 months. And then I got pregnant.
My first phone call was to my gastric bypass surgeon. In talking with the physician’s assistant there, she said that she had never experienced a woman getting pregnant so soon after surgery and keeping the baby. It was a shock to learn that I was pregnant, and an even bigger shock to learn that I may be un-pregnant very soon.
My paramour, Charlie, and I kept the baby a secret through the first trimester, since it was a high risk pregnancy. We made a general announcement around Christmas (2011) to our family and very close friends.
Since I had been a big girl before the surgery, people who saw me once I started to show just thought that it was my normal big belly under my clothes.  Which seems absurd to me, since my arms and legs became much smaller, as my belly became much bigger. 
I looked like a big, bulbous spider.
Regardless, my pregnancy was splendidly healthy and absolutely “normal.”  Grayson Alexander Kannair was born at 2:46am on Wednesday, June 20, 2012. And, to paraphrase a ridiculous song, “before he came into my life, I missed him so bad.” 
(I call him “baby.”)
Alas, I am introducing my secret baby to the world.  And for those of you out there that did not get a birth announcement, it’s probably simply because I don’t have your address – because I sent out nearly 300 of them!
P.S. send me your address if you expect a Christmas card!

Being thankful

Today, I am thankful that I have a job.

I thank God, even though I get up by the alarm or the baby crying, kicking and wimpering. I have a job to go to. I have somewhere (even though it takes an hour to get there in rush hour traffic) to be that doesn’t suck. I don’t have a nagging boss or craptastic coworkers. I actually like my job. And I am thankful to have it.

These are things that I need to remember when invoices come in later than expected, and I am hurting for money that I have earned, but can’t get my hands on.

I am thankful to have money out there in the stratosphere making its way to my bank account.

Keep calm and hug a baby.

First try at this blog thing…

This is my first entry doing the blog thing. It’s been a rough couple of days getting this thing up and running – so many decisions to make, like what should I write about? What should I title my page? Who would want to read anything that I have to say anyway?  After all, I am not so egotistical or self-important to think that my words should carry any more meaning than anyone else’s. 

Regardless, this is my first try… and ramble, though I might, I am going to try and post something more structured next go around. 

Happy reading.